We are now in “Phase Three” of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which has spawned so very many movies and made roughly $10 billion dollars worldwide. Disney’s swimming in a giant Mickey-Mouse-shaped pool of cash. It seems like they’re never going to stop.
But, let’s be honest. Disney eventually ruins everything. Evil overlord Iger won’t stay brilliantly evil for long. Some Hollywood underdog will uproot the MCU. We don’t know who it will be (though we know it probably won’t be Warner Brothers). Their destruction will likely come from, as in Captain America: Civil War, cracking from within – Disney’s very own corporate nonsense, which after all gave us those wonderful direct-to-video Disney sequels.
Let’s enjoy this comic-movie goodness while we can, shall we?
In the meantime, we’ll have Inhumans, Black Panther, more Avengers, more Thor, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Captain Marvel, and so very many Spiderman movies, not to mention several Netflix series like Cloak and Dagger.
Before the inevitable comic-Hollywood-ocalypse, though, our guess is that Disney/Marvel is not going to have a chance to make these lesser-known characters. Sure, they made and surprised everyone with Guardians of the Galaxy, a series that was about as well known as the full name of the European country of F.Y.R.O.M., but these other characters are probably not going to have movies.
It’s likely because the characters aren’t on-brand enough, because they’re expensive, weird concepts, because they don’t have the rights to the characters, or because Disney just plain doesn’t have the balls to do it.
Let’s all cross our fingers and hope that we’re wrong! If you think one of these characters is definitely getting a movie deal, let us know in the comments below.
Let’s get the big, controversial one out of the way first. There’s no way she’ll get her own movie.
There just isn’t room for a high-profile, successful, independent, sexually promiscuous, and insanely strong woman in Disney’s MCU.
If you’re a woman in the Disney universe, you can be one of these few things: a princess, a love interest, a princess who’s been wronged (making her slightly evil or morally ambivalent), a really boring average-aged cardboard hero (usually in an apocalyptic or unusually setting), an old, helpful hag, or an old, evil hag. It’s more options than there used to be, certainly, but here we are. (And if you say that Black Widow doesn’t fit into those categories, let’s remember that she was made into a love interest of the Hulk in later installments.)
She-Hulk decidedly fits none of these roles.
Adding to the latent sexism that America’s supposedly most progressive corporation suffers from, there’s also the fact that both of the Hulk movies have performed very poorly for Marvel.
You know the old Hollywood saying: “Fool me twice, and I won’t green light it again. Stop sending me your spec scripts.”
Another awesome lady that fits a similar bill as She-Hulk, this Wolverine clone (literally) won’t show up in the MCU for a simple and obvious reason: Fox is sitting on her rights right now.
But she’ll probably show up in Logan, a film slated for March of 2017.
That movie’s success will likely dictate whether or not X-23 will get her own movie. From the trailer, it’s not looking too promising. Money for X-Men is dwindling for Fox (Apocalypse only made only $500 million worldwide, which was less than the far cheaper Deadpool), and Logan appears to be a rip-off of the video game smash hit Last of Us. It’s also slated for March – historically a terrible month for blockbusters.
Maybe the film will be good. Maybe it will do well. Maybe the fact that it’s in the middle of a movie dead-zone means that it will have nothing to compete again. Maybe they’ll give her her own movie after its success.
We doubt it. For now, she’s stuck in the role of being Wolverine’s last mutant buddy.
Beta Ray Bill
This beloved horse-faced monstrosity is deemed worthy enough to lift Thor’s hammer, which is kind of a big deal. He’s an alien of the Korbinite race. His ship is called the Skuttlebutt.
No, really… it’s a sentient ship that revives him: the Skuttlebutt.
Disney sure can make magic happen with CGI, but can they make this Asgardian not silly and pleasant enough to look at for 90 minutes? Perhaps he’ll make a cameo to fight Thanos in the Infinity Wars.
Besides being so obscure that he’s practically a punchline, Moon Knight is one rubber suit away from being a Batman clone.
That being said, the Egyptian origin story and three secret identities might make for an interesting film. If they included him, it would be a pretty ground-breaking due to the fact that it would be a confirmed, mentally ill superhero on film: He suffers from dissociative identity disorder. Let’s fight the #stigma.
So… he’s… he’s essentially a human rubber ball. (Imagine pitching that one to Hollywood execs. There’s bonus points for unintentionally encouraging drug use.)
Namor the Sub-Mariner (and his buddy Stingray)
What is it with water-based superheros? Is it like water-based video game levels? Do we all hate them? “But,” you say, “DC’s Aquaman is getting his own movie. Khal Drogo is in it, and it looks awesome!”
While Namor has been around since 1939, Hollywood doesn’t seem to think audiences would be very… enamored with him.
Also, it’s not up to Marvel; Universal Pictures is sitting on his film rights.
With a name as plain as Wonder Bread and a somewhat dull backstory, Wonder Man, one of the later Avengers, grew up rich and is only really interesting for seeking revenge against his business competitor, Tony Stark. Perhaps he’ll be set up as an Iron Man villain, be redeemed, and be brought in as a Phase Four Avenger. We doubt he’ll get much more than a cameo.
We really, really doubt that the Great Lakes Avengers are going to have their own movie. These are Wisconsin’s Mightiest Heroes, who have received a cease-and-desist letter from the actual Avengers, demanding that they stop using their name. The tongue-in-cheek, comical team includes Mr. Immortal, who cannot be killed, resulting in a depressive daredevil who attempts suicide several times, Big Bertha, Flatman, and Doorman.
While the creator of Rick and Morty, Zac Gorman is working on the newest comics, which sounds awesome, we somehow doubt the dour, darkening world of the MCU will take a break to go this lighthearted. We also doubt they’ll embrace a straight-for-the-jugular parody.
If Mr. Immortal were to show up anywhere, we hope it would be in one of Fox’s Deadpool sequels. But considering that they’re technically “avengers,” who knows who owns the rights at this point? We’re probably more likely to get a Mystery Men reboot than a Great Lakes Avengers movie.
Let’s ignore the fact that he’s basically Captain America, but a British agent of MI:13. The unfortunate reality is that the Excalibur series, which he is the star of, mixes X-Men and Avengers lore, which are owned by two different companies right now. (But the under-appreciated Excalibur series is awesome.)
Sorry, fanboys. It wasn’t for want of trying.
A few years ago, it was really, really talked about as a follow up to Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, to the point where a script was floating around in Hollywood, but both that film and its predecessor got horrible reviews. Not only did Fantastic Four squash the possibility of a Silver Surfer movie, but also other Fantastic Four films. Fox has reportedly put its sequel on ice.
Fox is sitting on the rights; that means no appearance in the MCU unless Disney can snag them.
Not only will this guy not get a movie, but we’re raising the stakes: We’re thinking he might not even show up or even be alluded to in any Marvel movie, ever, character rights notwithstanding.
He appears in the comics in front of Thanos at one point during his many battles. The Living Tribunal, somewhat related to the One-Above-All, shows up in the Infinity Gauntlet series, which will be depicted in the later Avengers film.
Here’s the problem: He’s the God of Marvel’s multiverse. (He’s a little OP.)
Our prediction is that Disney’s not going to touch this one with a nine-foot pole. His superpower is making everyone uncomfortable about religion, and forcing us to accept that Jack Kirby as our God.
So, are we going to be wrong? People have said that Doctor Strange and the Guardians of the Galaxy wouldn’t have their own movies. Hopefully, our crystal-ball gazing is faulty. The next few years will tell!
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