A Tribute to Those I’ve Loved (In Video Games)

It’s Valentine’s week, and I’ve been reminiscing about the different types of love I’ve experienced in my lifetime. They say you shouldn’t kiss and tell, but after decades of gaming, I’m feeling nostalgic. I’ve been on hundreds of digital adventures and formed deep bonds with too many virtual partners to keep quiet. These are some of the relationships I hold deepest in my heart.

Rinoa Heartilly – Final Fantasy VIII

Squall and Rinoa; Image credit: Square Enix

Rinoa was more into me than I was into her, but once she truly needed my help, I went to space just to save her. How did it end? I’m not quite sure. Most say we lived happily ever after, but some think my whole relationship with her was a dream I experienced during death. Others think we’re trapped in a loop where she actually is the evil sorceress who defeated me and continues to possess people from the past to bring me back to her. Either way, I’ll always remember our dance in Balamb Garden and our bizarre date at Fisherman’s Horizon. Thanks again for the magazine, Irvine.

Millie Perkins – Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

Carl Johnson (CJ) and Millie Perkins; Image credit: Rockstar Games

Millie and I met under false pretenses. She hired a sex worker, I killed him and stole his bodysuit so that I could sneak into her house and steal her keycard for the casino I was going to rob. What I didn’t expect was that she figured it out, like immediately. In everything we did together, she knew I was leading her on. When the truth came out, she only wanted a cut from the heist. Respect.

Shaniqua – Def Jam: Fight for NY

Shaniqua; Image credit: EA Games

Unlike the other girlfriends in New York’s street fighting circuit, Shaniqua never cared if I won fights or lost them. She always held me down and treated my wounds like a loyal, loving partner should. However, she was very jealous and would beat up any woman who glanced in my direction. I ended up leaving her for a fling with Carmen Electra. It may not have been the most honorable decision, but if Carmen Electra (in her early 30s) was interested in you, I would challenge you to make a different choice.

Rin – Assassin’s Creed Shadows

Rin and Yasuke; Image credit: Ubisoft

After my lord, Oda Nobunaga, died, I became a ronin. During my travels, I met Rin, who needed help protecting her home from bandits. But Rin didn’t want to depend on me; she wanted to learn how to protect herself. Our relationship started as teacher and student, but as I taught her archery and horseback riding, we also got to know — and love — one another. She chose to stay at her home in the Kii region, and, unfortunately, I was not ready to lay down my sword without defeating the Templar Order. I visit often, but that doesn’t stop me from flirting with Ibuki when I’m at the Kakushiba Ikki Hideout.

Tilda – Horizon Forbidden West

Aloy and Tilda; Image credit: Sony Interactive Entertainment

I didn’t trust Tilda at first as she was allied with my enemies, but after watching her betray them, I decided to give her a chance. Big mistake. It turns out she was just in love with the person I was cloned from and would do anything to rekindle that flame. We would have never worked out. She is over 1,000 years old, and I’m an Aries.

Sciel – Clair Obscur: Expedition 33

Sciel; Image credit: Kepler Interactive

Sciel and I got to know each other a little better each night as we camped out. We eventually got physical. However, once she realized our entire world was a painting, free of the traditional rules of life and death, she considered bringing her husband back and ended things between us. We stayed allies, though.

Piper – Fallout 4

Piper; Image credit: Bethesda Softworks

What attracted me to Piper was her sense of justice, her determination to find the truth, and her fearlessness about making that information public at the risk of her safety or exile. Being a reporter, she found it convenient to travel with me and we made the most of our downtime. She made me a more persuasive person, but it would have been better for us both if she hadn’t. I used that skill to seduce the ghoul John Hancock and a robot named Curie. Look, I was new to the future and my curiosity got the best of me.

Ruto – The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Ruto; Image credit: Nintendo

The fish girl and I were actually engaged for a time. I needed her Zora Sapphire to open the Door of Time, and she said she’d only give it to the man she planned to marry. I had no choice but to agree. Then I ghosted her for seven years. When we saw each other again, she had become one of the Seven Sages. Crisis averted.

Guan Yu – Dynasty Warriors Origins

Guan Yu; Image credit: Koei Tecmo Games

Guan Yu and I were an unlikely pair, but he insisted we spend the night together by the campfire. Did we swap war stories or swap something else? I’ll never tell. I went on to have awkward, suggestive relationships with many officers from the Three Kingdoms era, but I will always remember the night I spent with the God of War. Speaking of…

Zora and Lora – God of War

Zora and Lora; Image credit: Sony Interactive Entertainment (SIE)

These lovely ladies traveled with me on a ship headed toward the Gates of Athens, and we chose to share a bed because there were only so many on board. Our time together was brief, but I pressed all the right buttons. In fact, our night got so rowdy we knocked over a vase. Though I must admit, putting that on a boat’s bedside table was careless on my part.

Every single person in Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley; Image credit: ConcernedApe

At one point in my life, I inherited a farm from my late grandfather on the outskirts of Stardew Valley. I became one of the townsfolk myself and proceeded to get romantically involved with every single one of them: women and men, single and married. I was even cracking the homeless guy and the sewer creature. It’s not a part of my life I’m particularly proud of, but it sure was fun.

Ms. Pac-Man

Ms. Pac-Man; Image credit: Bandai Namco Entertainment

When Ms. Pac-Man and I met, we bonded over the shared trauma of being chased by ghosts our entire lives. We had two children together — Jr. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man — names we probably would have workshopped more if it weren’t for our addiction to Power Pellets. We are still together, but she has been changing up her appearance and even her name lately. I think she might be in legal trouble.

Valentine’s Day may come and go, but these pixelated romances are forever — at least until I reload a save or start a new playthrough. How many notches are on your virtual bedpost? Share your most heated gaming love stories in the comments. I promise not to judge. Much.💘🎮

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